i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
