I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
