Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
