did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
worst night to have a conscience
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm really busy with my period
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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