Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
