arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
