it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
