my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
