i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
