And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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