I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i need some magic done to my vagina
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
