That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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