Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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