The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
