My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
