Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
