Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
