I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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