Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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