If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize