cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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