It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
