I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize