Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
