I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
