First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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