Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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