Duck Duck Cougar?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
