I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
