i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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