Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
