I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
