dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize