Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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