Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
