WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo