I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.