Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
where are you?
Hypothermia
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
