I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.