I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
