There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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