Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
