That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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