"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
