he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
