I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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