You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize