so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
