i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
