If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
