is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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