I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
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