She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
