I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
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My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize