Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
