listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
