He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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