One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
