He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
