I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
