By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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