John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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