I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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