Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
