Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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