eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
