so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
