The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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