i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
