I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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