In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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