There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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