Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize