I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
