then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
