It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Im part way to drunk.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
