i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
